What Can You Live With?

This weekend I had the great pleasure of seeing my best friend from high school who has in fact remained one of my best friends for the past 10 years. In our meeting we basically discussed where our lives were going, how we had remained friends and why I make his brain hurt.

The big question is What Can You Live With? This question matters since we are all approaching a point in our lives where our friends are getting married, having kids, and essentially growing up. In finding that other person you are supposed to spend eternity with, you have to ask, what can you live with? I never thought I would be asking this question at my age. 23, I still have a lot of learning and living yet to do. However, 2 people that mean the world to me have made me take a minute to stop and think.

With these two wonderful gentlemen and I have a habit of talking about and joking about our respective futures and how they/we fit into each other's plans. It's weird to think that 2 guys who I'm such good friends with can look at me equally and go, "You know I could have a future with you," especially since they are so different, but at the same time have identical interests which is why we became friends in the first place. Now, the key difference between the two is what a professor of mine called "an ordinary life." You know, living in suburbia, being upper middle class, working hard, being successful for your town, PTA, kids, dog, cat, white fence, etc. In all honesty this life never really appealed to me, until the past year and a half and talking it over with one of my 2 wonderful boys. Basically as he and I joke about our future, he makes it okay for me to live an ordinary life. For me to not need to prove myself to the world, my home, my friends, anyone. Now the second of my wonderful boys, makes it okay to live an ordinary life, but I know he expects more from me. He won't let me be the complacent one. He'll always be pushing me to see and to achieve the dreams he has for me. I won't be just successful in my town, I'll be a success on at the minimum the statewide level. A future with him means living the extraordinary life I've always thought I wanted to live. Which then confuses me. Which life is better? In which life will I be happier?

This is a serious question. I always assumed I would be extraordinary on my own up until I was 19 and through a relationship that did include love, I realized that you could be extraordinary and be willing to try and share your life with someone. However, this is easier said than done. You're going to hurt those you love along the way and some people can't handle not being the bread-winner, the supreme monetary ruler or power wielder of a family. This person also allowed me to realize that sometimes you have to give up being extraordinary for those you love, if they mean enough.

Now, here are the serious questions. Is it giving up being extraordinary because the love is that strong? Or is it because they make being extraordinary impossible? If you find someone who wants you to be extraordinary, are they willing to be pushed asside for that goal? And if so will they remain after it's accomplished? Or are they merely waiting around until you achieve greatness, only to knock you off of your pedestal then receive alimony payments? Which life is better to lead when you finally find that forever? The ordinary life of love providing all? Or the extraordinary life with a career but occassionally having to push love asside to do it?

I hate thinking over vacations.

So Pissed At Myself

Okay I really, really, really cannot stand a friend's girlfriend. I've never met her, but she seems like such a heartless, conceited, fake, wannabe Bitch!!!!! And I hate myself for not liking her based on what he's told me. Based on what our mutual friends have told me. It seems like she uses him as a crutch, or as tool she can manipulate to get what she wants. Furthermore, I think she sees him as someone that's "safe." A boy who will bow to her every want, need, and desire, and who will use him and break his heart if it will help her get what she wants. THIS IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP BUDDY!!!!! She is EEVIL (double the E to accentuate how eevile she really is).
I need to stop the rant about her, that's only proving my next point. I am pissed because I don't like this girl and I never even met her. I'm going by impressions I get from other people. Stories they have told me, and the few times I've attempted to talk to her. I just, maybe it's that we're both attention whores. Or maybe it's because I can really live the life she dreams of and the life she wants. I hate the fact that in hearing stories about her I'm just like, "she's a wannabe rich country club snob, who was raised lower middle class." I don't have a problem with that, I really don't. What I have a problem with is her treating me like I'm worthless, and like her boyfriend and our mutual friends are worthless, because we were raised to be country club snobs and rejected that life. She can't seem to grasp that just because we were raised that way, doesn't mean we want that life. She also can't get over the fact that she's ordinary, she's a lemming, she's not all that special. I only hope she realizes this before an amazing city destroys her, which I know it will. Or that she realizes that not following trends and in loving all and not caring how people perceive you, will make you special. No one likes the girl who is the same as all the other girls in the room. They like the girl who is special, who stands out, who isn't afraid to be herself no matter how dorky or geeky that is. The girl who is unafraid is always the most beautiful.
I guess that, I wish I could tell her how I see her and how I'm hoping my impressions of her are wrong. And how I hope she finds herself without the help of MTV, E!, Vogue, Cosmo, Bravo, etc, before she breaks two hearts; Hers and His.