What Can You Live With?

This weekend I had the great pleasure of seeing my best friend from high school who has in fact remained one of my best friends for the past 10 years. In our meeting we basically discussed where our lives were going, how we had remained friends and why I make his brain hurt.

The big question is What Can You Live With? This question matters since we are all approaching a point in our lives where our friends are getting married, having kids, and essentially growing up. In finding that other person you are supposed to spend eternity with, you have to ask, what can you live with? I never thought I would be asking this question at my age. 23, I still have a lot of learning and living yet to do. However, 2 people that mean the world to me have made me take a minute to stop and think.

With these two wonderful gentlemen and I have a habit of talking about and joking about our respective futures and how they/we fit into each other's plans. It's weird to think that 2 guys who I'm such good friends with can look at me equally and go, "You know I could have a future with you," especially since they are so different, but at the same time have identical interests which is why we became friends in the first place. Now, the key difference between the two is what a professor of mine called "an ordinary life." You know, living in suburbia, being upper middle class, working hard, being successful for your town, PTA, kids, dog, cat, white fence, etc. In all honesty this life never really appealed to me, until the past year and a half and talking it over with one of my 2 wonderful boys. Basically as he and I joke about our future, he makes it okay for me to live an ordinary life. For me to not need to prove myself to the world, my home, my friends, anyone. Now the second of my wonderful boys, makes it okay to live an ordinary life, but I know he expects more from me. He won't let me be the complacent one. He'll always be pushing me to see and to achieve the dreams he has for me. I won't be just successful in my town, I'll be a success on at the minimum the statewide level. A future with him means living the extraordinary life I've always thought I wanted to live. Which then confuses me. Which life is better? In which life will I be happier?

This is a serious question. I always assumed I would be extraordinary on my own up until I was 19 and through a relationship that did include love, I realized that you could be extraordinary and be willing to try and share your life with someone. However, this is easier said than done. You're going to hurt those you love along the way and some people can't handle not being the bread-winner, the supreme monetary ruler or power wielder of a family. This person also allowed me to realize that sometimes you have to give up being extraordinary for those you love, if they mean enough.

Now, here are the serious questions. Is it giving up being extraordinary because the love is that strong? Or is it because they make being extraordinary impossible? If you find someone who wants you to be extraordinary, are they willing to be pushed asside for that goal? And if so will they remain after it's accomplished? Or are they merely waiting around until you achieve greatness, only to knock you off of your pedestal then receive alimony payments? Which life is better to lead when you finally find that forever? The ordinary life of love providing all? Or the extraordinary life with a career but occassionally having to push love asside to do it?

I hate thinking over vacations.